IF THE BITE DOESN'T KILL YOU

IT WAS AN ACCIDENT

2006-11-05T03:10:16Z

Getting out of bed is hard. Breaking from sleep, moving, opening your eyes, it’s so tiresome that one usually falls asleep immediately afterwards. Sirius was having difficulty with getting up not because of sleep, but there was a very large object asleep on his left arm. It was curvy and naked and smelt an awful lot like gardenia mint. There, perched on its side facing away from Sirius, it rudely slept on. This matter was to be handled in the same fashion as removing a band-aid: quickly. So, with a “Hunn!”, Sirius yanked his left arm out from underneath the body.

Freedom!

It moved.

“Mmmmmm,” it groaned.

Fixing his hand around on the floor, Sirius located his pants and began getting dressed. This was always the hard part of leaving after a one-night-stand. In a way, getting dressed and leaving should have been a national sport. It was, after all, played every single morning in some households across the country. Sirius stood up, and the room fell backwards on top of him like a deflating balloon. Hang over. Wonderful.

Belt, shoes, shirt, other shirt, jacket, good; he made for the door.

“Mmmmm,” it rolled over, “…Jack?”

Sirius froze with the doorknob in hand, “Hey…”

The woman sat up on her elbows to look at him. A pleasant previous night experience was seen in her glowing face.

“Leaving?”

“I have work,” Sirius lied.

“I remember,” she smiled and clutched a pillow nearby, her eyes making their way up and down, “I’ll hear from you some other time I suppose?”

Sirius cracked an aristocratic smile, “Of course,” he waved.

“Goodbye, Jack.”

Sirius was halfway down the third flight of stairs when he realized his wand was not in its usual place inside his jacket. Cursing himself a storm, Sirius bounded back up the stairs, recalling all the times McGonagall scolded him for forgetting his wand. A bit silly for a wizard, but Sirius always saw magic as being a bit pompous. But just as Sirius landed on the right floor, a muted explosion came from the apartment he was headed towards. Leaving no time to guess what it could be, Sirius apparated into the bedroom. No smoke or fire greeted him. No signs of danger, or open wires. The only thing terribly wrong about the room he just appeared in was the woman in bed. Sirius’s wand clutched in hand, she sat straight up against the headboard - dead.

THIS BITCH IS BACK

2006-07-24T16:22:24Z

MARAUDERS ONLY

2006-01-26T21:17:06Z

I THINK I DID IT.

I THINK IT'S WORKING.

I was in the middle of ...um...."showering"....and I suddenly felt the need to rip and roar.

DRAGON?

I want to be a dragon.

OPEN to GRYFS.

2006-01-17T19:18:43Z

In the future, the Marauders would come to be legend and inseparable at times.

But that time is not now, for at this particular moment, Sirius Black was attempting the second stage in illegal transformation. Thinking hard of what McGonagall occasionally drops or mentions about Animagi Trans, he decided to focus on...well....focusing.
But what would he become?

It's not like apparation where the Three D's will get him from place to place.

Sirius settled with clearing his mind and letting the shape come to him. After all, clearing ones mind is what Sirius was best at.
Minus Quidditch, pranks and masturbation.

And so, on this chilly, wet January day Black was beside himself in the Gryiffindor common room staring well off into space.

be_sirius @ 2006-01-16T00:25:00

2006-01-16T08:27:39Z

Sirius Black's body was simply a wreak. Most men pray for the experience to come over summer. That way, one can easily lock ones self in a room or broom closet and cease to come out until transformation is complete. Much like a Butterfly.

But boys are not butterflies, they are human beings.

Though any adult would argue the pubescent male is FAR from human; Sirius was coming to gripes with his age.

"My knees hurt," he absently stated to Peter during Potions.

"Prof-FES-sor," croaked Black during Care of Magical Creatures.

And lastly,

"I can't feel my face," was said to Remus on several occasions. But the feeling of numbness on Black's part was not from puberty, but more so from the frequent sting of slaps received from girls after a remark about their bust size was mentioned.

This did not discourage Sirius, for he seemed to enjoy the pain.

...What a sauce.

BLACK SHEEP.

2005-12-08T08:30:38Z

I don't want to go home!

I HATE GOING HOME.

James, Remus....save me.

MARAUDERING BEGINS.

2005-12-01T07:37:39Z

Visible only to James and Peter

I have a hefty stack of Transfiguration books that need some eye-glossing.

Hem.hem.

Visible to All
Glorious findings today!

Martha McHiggins has the Biggest Bust I've seen this side of Berlin Wall.

YOWZARS! O.O

COME, LET US GATHER LIKE HUNTERS.

2005-11-26T02:30:57Z

visible only to James Potter, Remus 'worries-too-much' Lupin, and Pete Pettigrew.

MEN!
BROTHERS IN ARMS AND COUNTRY!

Now that we understand and know about Remus's "Hairy little problem", and agree that is really doesn't bother us at all; I say we converse to talk on how this will benefit our friendship.

I speak to Peter and James when I say: Remus needs us! Mentally! Emotionally! Sex-Physi... Emotionally!!

Besides, I think we need a name.

Like the Three Musketeers,
...and The Beatles.

OPEN.

2005-11-14T23:40:34Z

Who wants to get naked and start the revolution?

WHAT A BUSY BODY

2005-11-05T19:20:50Z

Sirius Black was procrastinating on Defense homework for a very important reason: Remus. His brains being still racked with worries about his friend lead the 4th year to the Magical Medical Encyclopedia vol. 1-87. Currently the boy was thumbing through the B’s. Among the ailments he had read about so far, 14 of them seemed to fit the mold of what Remus “has”.

Using all the neurons under that fluffy black hair, Sirius began to make conclusions.

He could have Bellefoneria, in which every several weeks, weeds start growing out of ones pores instead of hair.

Or Betrotrickanosa; a common hereditary disease found mostly in males; in which minor 72 hour commas strike the victim monthly.

Bulbaphyrasis, enlargement of the genitals due to inflammation; requires draining assistance.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

GROOVY

2005-11-03T17:47:38Z

Oh whatever, girls; you just TRY and top the ideas I have floating around my head.

James and I have been talking.

Oh yes, and when I mean talking I mean stock piling weapons of mass embarassment ready to dispose at any given moment to the said target (and crap Snape).

VICTORY FOR ALL MANKIND!

DO SOMETHING

2005-10-23T22:57:03Z

As friend, I've taken it upon myself to secretly go behind his back and stalk his next absence.

With aid from Peter and James, of course.

We will get to the bottom of this- even if it kills us.

Well, not really kills. Perhaps along the lines of severe bantering.

SOMETHING IS NOT RIGHT

2005-10-19T06:41:07Z

He's at it again!

Missing!

Sick?!

Who just gets sick that easy? Really something is not right.

ARCHIVES of DECADENCE and DEBAUCHERY

2005-10-15T19:50:05Z

___________________________________________

FILE #12

"HOW TO SNEAK BY FILCH"

Items
- Yarn
- Rubber Cement
- "My Witch Wonders" Nuddy Magazine

Process

In picking a spot in which mischief is to be done smear a small amount of rubber cement to its entry way and the ball of yarn a ways before it. When Mrs. Norris (Hell Cat extraordinaire) becomes enticed with the yarn (as all cats do because its in there blood- they can't help it), she will a) be distracted and b) if she comes too close, will become stuck. Giving you, the rightful wrong-doer, about 3 minutes to finish up. Place Dirty Magazine near Mrs. Norris to distract Filch and leave him in a great mood. This works to both advantages, seeing that after he takes care of Mrs. Norris, he'll most likely retire to his quarters for a little wand polishing. Therefore, you, may continue on in a carefree manner.

Enjoy.

- Mr. S. Black

_______________________________________

EXPENDABLE YOUTH

2005-10-11T19:17:36Z

YES! YES! Victory!

Praise to the spot-cream from Madame Ophelia’s Facial Maladies and Co.

Oh puberty, how I welcome thee with open arms.

I sometimes wonder what I’d look like older. For this, I look at the gaudy portraits of my ancestors that hang in the second floor gallery. One word: Bone structure. This is good, my baby fat that will be gone soon. Good good. Now, what am I to do about this hairy issue? Father was a well groomed man. His portrait depicts slicked black hair and sharp, bushy eyebrows.

Mother is impeccable.

Ironically, I feel my last name characterizes my appearance as well as heritage rather well: I’m Black through and through.

Now, if only I knew more about my family history…

OPEN TO ALL IN HISTORY.

2005-10-03T18:14:06Z

Sirius Black cracked his knuckles and kicked his feet up onto the chair in front of him. Slouching his small frame into the desk, he sighed, eye lids relaxing halfway as Professor Binns’s monotone voice echoed on and on about the Pilgrimage of Hags (1100-1104).

This was torture.

In a vain attempt to keep himself awake and amused, Sirius blew bubbles with his spit.

be_sirius @ 2005-10-02T13:03:00

2005-10-02T20:15:00Z

JANIS J. RICHMON IS A PILE OF STEAMING GILLYWEED.

Oh hello, journal, how are you?

Thought so, you mute bastard. I've been better myself. Loads of Transfiguration homework certainly does bog the senses down. I completely forgot that today I was supposed to thwart the Slytherin Quidditch try-outs by personally sitting my ass in the stands and laughing.

But as nature has it, other things got in the way. And it’s name was Janis J. Richmon.

Way to snitch me out, sassafras, I wasn’t REALLY going to set the snakes free. Honestly, 2 weeks of detention is very unfair for suspicion of crime.

Eh, but Flich is off his – hahaha, look who just walked into the common room…

HEY JANIS, TURN DOWN THE SEETHING, I’M TRYING TO READ.

--oh god, she glared back.

That’s too be expected. 5th years think they are so much better. Little do they know that a;lj

It is to be recorded that the interruption of that last sentence was in part of Ms. Richmon’s pulling Mr. Black from his chair, and thrusting the parchment authorizing 2 weeks of detention, down the front of Mr. Black’s pants. We now continue…

I think I’m in love.

THE ABSENT LUPIN.

2005-09-18T21:11:28Z

Not to sound like I'm turning into Miss Clavel, but Somthing is not right!.

Remus is gone - again - to the Hospital Wing.

Meeting on my bed in 15.

SWITCHING THE DECADES

2005-09-14T22:51:28Z

ALL ENTRIES AFTER THIS ARE FROM SIRIUS BLACK CIRCA 1975, AGE 14; THEREFORE IS IN RELATION TO marauder_life

and to mark this off more clearly, I'm seperating it with a picture of Barry Manilow.

FIN.

o\ o \ c \

2005-08-18T00:16:56Z

The Infinite Teen Slang Dictionary

TIMES TWO.

2005-08-13T17:52:52Z

Lindsay shifted her weight on the table, the tissue paper beneath her crackled. The room was especially drafty because of the thin paper smock she wore. Pushing hands between thighs for warmth she sighed at Sirius who smiled warmly back at her and put down the jar of cotton balls he was examining.

“What?”

Linz shrugged.
Sirius went to her side and jumped up on the table next to her.

“Oh what a view,” he said happily. Linz’s face was chalk white, her fingers twisting into themselves. Sirius wrapped an arm around her to pacify the anxiousness. He was about to say something when the muggle Doctor returned.

“Mrs. Black?”

Linz’s head perked up.

“Good news,” the wife exhaled, but it sounded more like a sob, “You’re progressing just fine, I have the scans here,” he proceeded to remove x-rays and ultrasounds from a manila envelope and stick them to the light board. He explained that the embryo is now 8mm, and the ultrasound picked up the faint beating of a heart. Meaning that the major organs of the baby are developed. Primitively, but developed.

“As for your faster rate of weight gain,” he added, “ It’s hard to tell in such an early stage, you’re on the 8th week, 6 weeks after conception, to tell if there is a chance of two embryos.”

Sirius finally spoke.

“What?”

Linz squeezed his hand, cracking a few knuckles in the process.

“Faster growth of the abdomen and increased itching on its surface," continued the Doctor, "A feeling of heaviness in the pelvis or vagina, A greater tendency to retain water,” Linz was nodding with each symptom, “…increased fatigue, are all signs of carrying twins.”

“Twins.”

“Now Mr. Black,” said the Doctor pushing paper to the gaping mouthed man, “if you could just sign here…”

Out of Character, Fanfiction.net

2005-08-12T17:06:38Z

Snagged from spankerella who borrowed it from woodisgoodcdl who pilfered it from texasmagic

1. Use fanfiction.net's Search Story By Summary and look up your name in either Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings.
2. If there are any Mary Sues that share your name, pick the worst-sounding one and post the summary.

+-+-+

If you see any of your stories down here and are mortally offended, tell me and I’ll take it down. only after I laugh and laugh and laugh.

Beware - Rude language below

Fires of the Sun: Kay Weasley by CoPpErFyRmAgE
Kay is Ron's twin sister and an intruging girl. Later, I will combine this story with "Whispers at Midnight" and make an adventure they share.

Mrs. Weasley had TWO sets of twins? She must have a heavy menstruation to be cranking out double eggs in a row. Won’t be surprised if that adventure they share turns out to be each other. >3

*

Kayleigh by black-ranger
Kay, a fan of the books of Harry Potter, doesn't realize her full potential, and is thrown into a magical world where the characters do exist. How does she cope?

How does she cope…when I realizes that no one wants to date me because I am a sodding loser of a muggle who accidentally fucked around with the Slytherins and was deemed the “Cheeky Wench”. Oh yes, I’d find it hard very hard to cope. What with being so popular and all. Not. ::/sarcasm::

*

Of Dark and Light, Where the Wind Never Blows by Mooncheese
Kay, daughter of Hermione Granger has never known her real father. She doesn't fit with her easy going mother, or her dopey step-dad, Ron. And she isn't exactly your average Gryffindor either. When she goes to Hogwarts, she will never fit in- or will she?

Dopey step-dad, Ron??? Who was the father then? It better be Malfoy. Who else would shag-and-run on Hermione? Malfoy. See? It works... Glad you’re going with me on this. . And she isn't exactly your average Gryffindor either. SHE HAS THREE NIPPLES! Everyone knows the average Gryffindor has 5. So embarrassing. Poor Kay.

*
future by ana-rose
ts the offsprings of harry, hermonie and ron,draco and ginny, and sirius black . kay black and james potter are about to have a few of there own adventure's it just happens to be something like bonding o yes did i mention a.dumbledore has a genius dragh

GETTING WARMER! I am the daugther of Sirius Black. Hopefully I’m named after my mother. Have decided that the word “bonding” and “Dumbledore” shall never be used in a sentence. Ever. Again.

*

Am I the Only one? by KiraMaria
Kay discovers that what she believed she was, was not the truth. Now she is at Hogwarts and has made friends with the Gang and Draco. She is soon set on a quest that will change all of their lives, only if she suceeds. Please read to see if she suceeds!

The Gang…and Draco. Here we have proof that in some minds, Gangs DO exist in Hogwarts. My life is complete. I do love seeing characters placed in questing, adventuring and shagging tasks. Hopefully I’ll need the aid of the Gang…and Draco to save me. After all, this quest is going to change all their lives, they should atleast be there when I push the lever that lowers Harry into a vat of rapid fanboys armed with candied cake letters and assorted toppings.

*

Harry Potter and the Youngest Auror by Kay Hatter
Another Voldemort attack, and this time its close to home. Sirius finds Kay first, will she live through it? or die Trying? Is Harry going back to Hogwarts or staying with the Weasley's? Read and Review Please! at least 10 and I'll continue!

Will I live through what? The merciless sex that follows after Sirius finds me? Oh Lord I do hope so only on the basis that I can experience it again (and again and again and again). If not, then I know I’d die trying! Oh, oh…there needs to be more works out there like this.

But not really.

CONFIDENTIAL

2005-08-11T16:14:02Z

When left alone to your own devices is a blessing. Now you indulge in the little things life gives you with out being mocked, or sought out. Sirius took advantage of this break from both Harry and Lindsay to catch up on a little hobby of his – knitting.

As of right now, the dark haired adult traced his finger along a knitting pattern to cross off the row he just completed. Jabbing the pencil in it’s safe spot, behind his ear, Black picked up the steel 9 needles and pearled the next row. He was mid stitch when there was a loud knock on the door, and Albus Dumbledore swept into the loft.

“Terrible news, Black, terrible…seems that the Ministry can’t get through the paper work enough to get dragons across the Romanian border. Something to do about expired vaccine shots. This is highly embarrassing for I remember developing those shots some years ago with my good friend and dragon expert, Cloudagh Dot. But what I’m here to ask of you is…,” Dumbledore blinked at Sirius who froze to his seat during the monologue, “Are you,” began Albus, “Are you knitting?”

Sirius stared.

“…Nooooo.”

“Black this is no time for fancy needle work,” Sirius’s mouth dropped to a frown, “I need you to do something for me.”

“About the dragons?”

“Sort of.”

“I’m not stealing them if that’s what you mean – Hagrid would be far better at that I assure you.”

Dumbledore frowned.

“No, it’s nothing about the Dragons. I’ll manage to get them here some how,” the Headmaster withdrew a thick stack of Parchment, “I need you to take a look at a few things…”

Sirius glanced at the contents of the parchment, and promptly dropped his needles.

SO ACCURATE - I CRIED.

2005-08-04T03:18:26Z

What Are Your Harry Potter OTP's?
LiveJournal Username
Which book is your favourite?
Which is you favourite character?
What is your secret HP fetish?
Which verison of HP do you prefer?
Which character do you hate/dislike?

Your Dangerously Obsessive OTP:	Fred/George+Lee
Your Second OTP:	Hermione/Ginny
An OTP You'll Read/Draw/Fandom:	Ron/Fleur
Your Secret, Shame-Filled Fetish OTP:	Harry/Sirius
Your Most Squicked OTP shudder:	Harry/Dumbledore


This Fun Quiz created by Rei at BlogQuiz.Net

Free ringtones and wallpapers! Click here!

It knows...How did it know??

LAST CRUMB.

2005-08-03T00:38:11Z

In a last minute attempt to keep in the birthday spirit, Sirius Black ate a slice of Harry’s birthday cake from the fridge box. Chocolate mousse with raspberry cream centre. The flat was vacant expect for the birthday boy, who took to his room writing "thank you’s" to those friends who attended; and Sirius, who occupied himself with leftovers and a copy of Esquire propped up on the milk jug.

Turning the page with his fork, he came across an article titled, “10 Best Dressed Men in the World”. He leafed quickly through the article and upon spotting Adrian Brody among the bestowed, tossed the magazine into the rubbish. Sirius picked up his empty dish, and checking to see that Harry’s door was indeed closed, he happily took to licking the plate clean.